It worked out really great that we had Aaron living with us at the time so that we could leave the boys with him. The boys weren't sure what to think about their baby sister but they have never been jealous of her.
The surgery went great and she came out perfect. Colleen (Sheehan's mom) had a dream 2 days before that LaRae was born with a full head of dark hair and blue eyes and that is exactly how she came out! My recovery was going really well. I started having some anxiety in the hospital and my blood pressure readings started getting higher and higher. I was discharged and told to monitor my blood pressure. My Mom came the last night I was there to rub my feet and back and help me to relax. She took care of me the entire night. I was so grateful to her for taking care of me (her baby) so I could feel better taking care of my baby.
We brought LaRae home and the same day found that Vance had a cold. Lincoln soon started up with the same cold. At 6 days old LaRae came down with the same cold. We got through the weekend with little sleep, lots of crying on my part, and a very congested baby. By the next Wednesday, we took her to the pediatric office, Alpine Pediatrics and she was admitted to the hospital. Earlier in the week I went into the ER with high blood pressure and hypertension and was placed on high blood pressure meds. At our appointment with the Pediatrician, LaRae's oxygen was reading low so she was hospitalized and placed on oxygen. We stayed a few days with her while my Mom and sister took care of the boys. One day Alyssa sent a picture of this drawing Lincoln made. He drew himself with "tunnels" and boogers coming out of them!
Sheehan or I would take turns coming home at night to sleep with the boys. We gave the boys Lincoln's birthday present early which was a green power wheel car. I'm so glad we did because they hardly noticed we were gone most of the day because they were too busy playing with their power wheel. The ward was so nice and brought us meals when we got home from the hospital after delivery and then again when LaRae was hospitalized. LaRae tested positive for RSV and so we found out how expensive thick boogers can really be! After being discharged we had to take her back to the outpatient suction clinic twice a day for another week at American Fork Hospital. They discharged us from the hospital with LaRae on oxygen and hooked up to an oximeter. The oximeter monitored her oxygen saturation in her blood and her heart rate. It would beep anytime her oxygen dropped below what is considered a safe oxygen level. Since newborns can be inconsistent breathers anyway we got used to being woke up several times a night by the oximeter alarm just to find she was perfectly ok. Despite having such a dangerous cold at just a couple days old LaRae managed to gain her birth weight back and continued to be a champion eater. Just as she was feeling better and got a clean bill of health at her 2 1/2 week doctor appointment she suddenly became very irritable, fussy, and kept scrunching up her legs to her stomach. I stayed up with her again ALL night trying to soothe her as she cried and cried. Around 1:00am I took her upstairs from watching tv in the basement to rock her. She seemed extremely hot so I decided to change her diaper and check her temp. She had a 102 fever. Being just over 2 weeks old that was really bad. I waited 5 minutes and took it again at 101. I called Julianne to stay with the boys until my Mom could come back over and stay with them the rest of the night. So Sheehan and I made our way back to the hospital with our once again sick baby. By now I was completely hysterical and distraught. I was 2.5 weeks postpartum dealing with anxiety and worried about my blood pressure while getting no sleep taking care of a still sick baby. The hospital staff said they did not think the fever and the RSV were related.
Since LaRae was a readmit and still under 30 days old she was put on a pretty intense protocol of antibiotics and antivirals while we waited for several tests to come back with results ruling out what she did and did not have. At this point, I just wanted to be home with my boys and my baby and since the staff couldn't tell me exactly what was wrong with her I really didn't want to stay. I cried all day and all night holding my baby with oxygen tubes in her nose and an IV in her head. I cried because my blood pressure remained extremely high and felt like I had no control over my own body. I cried because Lincoln was crying at home saying he missed his Mommy and I missed him. I cried because despite the family fasting and prayers I didn't feel like the Lord was hearing me. After the diagnostic testing came back negative and LaRae's fever went down after 3 days, we were able to go home from the hospital for our 3rd time in 3 weeks. We came home in the morning and found Lincoln had a pink crusty eye so we got home with LaRae and I immediately took Lincoln to Instacare and basically demanded they give me eye drops. I didn't care if they thought it was viral or bacterial or not even pink eye. They gave me the antibiotics.
Things slowly got better. I struggled with postpartum anxiety and the high blood pressure remained for about 7 weeks after delivery. I took blood pressure meds for 6 weeks. I still feel it creep up and I still get occasional anxiety but it doesn't snowball into panic attacks anymore.
My Mom had brought a poster and taped it to my wall that had Christ praying at Gethsemane and the words, "You are not the first to ask is there no other way?" by Jeffrey R Holland. Our Bishop (Donaldson) had given LaRae a blessing when she was a week old and just showing signs of the RSV. In the blessing, he said that both she and I would recover. I held on to those words so closely. I knew if I had the faith that she would recover it was just so sad to see her so worn out and sick. In the blessing, Bishop also said that my children would be watching my example and to be christlike. This has stuck with me a lot this year. Especially as I struggled with Postpartum depression/anxiety/hypertension that caused me to be quick to anger and more impatient than I already am. The 6 months after LaRae was born was very difficult for our entire family but she is in a tie with Vance for being our easiest baby. She's a good eater, a pretty good sleeper, and a happy little girl! She's pretty cute too! She looks an awful lot like her Daddy and her big brother Lincoln. Every time I look at her I get just as excited as I did the moment we found out we were having a girl in the ultrasound. We love our baby Rae!
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