Mother's Day and Church Talk 2016

Sheehan and I were asked to speak on Mother's Day. I like speaking in church so despite the postpartum issues and struggles we had been through the past 2 months I was happy to talk on Being Christlike on Mother's Day. This mother's day I was just beyond thrilled that I had my 3 healthy happy babies that's all I need. 

I copied my church talk below. I never follow it exactly and often leave items out for time-sake but here it is anyway.

Introduce us briefly

Selves

Kids

Occupation

Time in the ward

Recently I received a priesthood blessing of comfort and healing along with our, at the time, 6 day old baby LaRae, who had come down with a cold which turned out to be as many of you know, RSV. In that blessing I was assured that myself and baby LaRae would recover. Those were words I was relieved to hear and held on to very closely in the weeks following. Another part of the blessing, which was equally important to me, was that the Lord heard my concerns and was aware of my worries and said that I should strive to have christlike attributes as I raise my children; That my children will see my example as I go through trials. The idea of being a Christ-like mother was something I had been pondering for a long time. How can I be a mother (or parent) in a way that Christ would? In applying the scripture in Alma 5:14 to myself, “Have ye received his image in your countenance"…As a mother? (Alma 5:14).  I remembered that my children are not my own. They are God’s and I have been given the opportunity to be their earthly mother. Just as I would expect someone I asked to watch over them, I would expect them to love them and be kind to them. The Lord expects us to always show love to our children and be kind to them. Always with arms open with love despite their decisions, just as he does for us. 

I began to be led to these thoughts as I found myself at the end of the day reflecting on my actions I was not proud of and I wasn’t being the kind of mother I wanted to be. The kind of mother I had hoped that I would be. Finding that I had a hard time doing this on my own, I had to turn to the Lord daily to help me to control my temper and frustration in the overwhelming moments that happen all too often in parenthood.  I once learned from a mother who is a stranger to me on a subway trip to New York City. I was 17 with my parents and we watched a Mom and a toddler boy that was sitting on the subway. My Mom and I watched as the little boy squirmed and whined in his seat to his Mom. The Mom calmly looked him in the eye and said, “I know you are tired but it is when we are tired that we need to perform our best.” She must have said this often because the boy stopped squirming and quietly sat in his seat the rest of the time. My Mom leaned over to me and discreetly said, “that was really good.” On the days that I am tired from lack of sleep or just plain wore out, I remind myself, “It is when we are tired that we need to perform our best.” 

Margaret Naudald gave a talk in 2000 General Conference. This is one of my favorite talks. I’ll be taking several quotes from it. 

She said, “Daughters of God know that it is the nurturing nature of women that can bring everlasting blessings, and they live to cultivate this divine attribute. Surely when a woman reverences motherhood, her children will rise up and call her blessed (see Prov. 31:28).”

In the days following LaRae’s delivery, I had some anxiety and hypertension. I called my Mom at 9:30pm from my hospital room and she came to the hospital to be with me and she nurtured me. She stayed all night with me rubbing my swollen feet and aching back for hours. She held the baby so I would sleep. She talked me through my worries and helped me to remember everything would turn out fine. A few weeks later after bringing the baby home from the hospital for RSV, my Mom told me to leave Sheehan with the kids and she would pick me up and take me to the chiropractor. On the way back home she said, “Let’s stop for ice cream. “ Going out for ice cream was something my Grandfather did with my Mom when he felt she needed some time and is a tradition she has continued to do with us.  In each of these instances, I needed to be nurtured and my Mom knew it. On the way home from the ice cream stop I thanked her for everything she had done for me and my family and most importantly I specifically said I knew I had needed to be nurtured and that she had done that for me. ..and she said, “I know.” My Mom has always been an example to me of being close to the spirit to help her know what her children needed. Whether it was steering us out of trouble, or nurturing us, she always seems to know. And she say she knows by the spirit.

Sister Naudald said, “Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.”

This quote comes to my mind often when I feel like I am just a mom, when I feel like I am not accomplishing big things. When my Mom was about my age she went to a business party in Santa Monica, CA with my dad and a woman walked up and asked who is this and what do you do? My mom said his wife and I stay home with the kids. The woman said how boring? And walked away.”   But I am so grateful that my Mom was “just a boring Mom”

On one of those nights I mentioned before where I reflected on my day I came across this mom blog on Pinterest that was titled “10 ways to know you are a good mom” Needing some encouragement I read these:

2. A GOOD MOM HAS HER PRIORITIES STRAIGHT: If you have left the house without a shower before – you’re a good mom. If you have fallen asleep on the rocking chair with a fussy baby in your arms before – you’re a good mom. If you have chosen to stay in with your family on a Friday night, rather than go out with your friends – you’re a good mom. If you have gone to Target at 10pm just to walk around while the children are in bed and it felt like a vacation – you’re a good mom. If you have seen poop on your pants and it didn’t even phase you because you are used to it – you’re a good mom.
The mom who works all day outside the home to provide for her family and comes home at 6pm just in time to feed the kids, play for a minute, put them to bed and then do it all over again the next day… you are a good mom, you are doing a good job.

Along these lines, Jeffrey R Holland recently said:
“If you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do.”

I know I am not alone in the late night reflecting on my day and my actions and wondering how I could have handled things better with my children. Worrying about how much they ate, did we read books today, how much time did they spend on the tablet or tv, on and on we do this.  Elder Holland once taught, “You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, perhaps even with hesitation and some embarrassment, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of the Master’s garment, so Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility as mothers, “Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.”12 And it will make your children whole as well.

I had a really hard time accepting the fact that we had to hospitalize LaRae for the second time in 3 weeks after she was born due to a high fever. I missed being home with my boys and I just wanted to be home and enjoy my baby. Despite receiving the blessing I mentioned before that LaRae would recover, I felt like the Lord was not hearing me. We had lots of people praying for her already and even had a family fast AND still found ourselves back in the hospital. A part of me knew the Lord was there and I was reminded from the same blessing that I needed to be long-suffering and I had to keep telling myself that things would work out in the Lord’s time. I knew I needed to have faith and not fear.  President George Q. Cannon once taught: “No matter how serious the trial, how deep the distress, how great the affliction, [God] will never desert us. He never has, and He never will. He cannot do it. It is not His character [to do so]. … He will [always] stand by us. We may pass through the fiery furnace; we may pass through deep waters; but we shall not be consumed nor overwhelmed. We shall emerge from all these trials and difficulties the better and purer for them.”⁹

And so, Our baby LaRae did recover and is now 2 months old. During one of our hospital stays,  we were visited by some members of the LDS branch. As I held LaRae the visiting sister asked if she could share a story, she said her grandbaby was in the NICU last year and as she held her grandbaby she felt so strongly that angels and family members on the other side were surrounding her baby. Being that I love family history, this was really special to me.  She then thought of all the babies there and their families on the earth and the angels surrounding all of them. I had been told that angels would surround my family and felt the spirit in the truth she was sharing. I can bear my testimony that angels surround our little children and they help us as we learn to become Divine Mothers. 

Closing:

As a wife, mother, and daughter I ask of the men and boys to respect and support the women in their lives by upholding and being worthy of your priesthood. Be kind and maybe even sometimes…long-suffering. ;)

To the women and young girls, I hope that with me you remember that you are first a Daughter of God and he is always there to help you. He never leaves us “unheard” or alone. I know and have felt for myself angels surrounding, helping us learn our divine role of Motherhood and protecting my children. I hope each of you remember that you are doing a good job. You are good mothers. I hope that with me you will ask yourself in your day-to-day, ““Have ye received his image in your countenances…As a mother?” (Alma 5:14).

Amen

Extras:

: “Rest easy, real mothers. The very fact that you worry about being a good mom means that you already are one.”  – Unknown

When we understand the magnitude of motherhood, it becomes clear why prophets have been so protective of woman’s most sacred role. While we tend to equate motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lord’s language, the word mother has layers of meaning. Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living”3—and they did so before she ever bore a child. Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality,4 righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood.5Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us
Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.”11
I know, I absolutely know, that these doctrines about our divine role are true, and that when understood they bring peace and purpose to all women. My dear sisters, whom I love more than I know how to express, will you rise to the challenge of being mothers in these perilous times, though doing so may test the last ounce of your endurance and courage and faith? Will you stand steadfast and immovable as a mother in Israel and a woman of God? Our Father and His Only Begotten Son have given us a sacred stewardship and a holy crown in their kingdom. May we rejoice in it. And may we be worthy of Their trust. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Sheri dew